Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
