you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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