Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
do nipples grow back?
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