I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize