White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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