So drunk, too bad you don't want this
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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