Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
