i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
