how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
