So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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