I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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