Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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