I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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