he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Oh god it's open bar.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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