I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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