he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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