Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
