Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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