I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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