Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
