she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
