You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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