im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
