thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
