im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
