he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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