hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
