I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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