tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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