Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
