when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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