Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
