Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
