I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
