I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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