I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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