Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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