My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
