watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize