my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
