I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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