everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
