took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
