i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
