hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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