I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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