I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
