I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
