Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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