I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
