If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
