Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
