he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
