I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
