I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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