You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
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I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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