I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
