just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
